Brown Girls: Moms--The Original Green Pioneers

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Juicy

I recently finished a 5 day "juice cleanse." It wasn't a pure fast, since I am nursing, but for 5 days I drank a juice for breakfast, a juice for dinner, and ate a salad for lunch, as well as snacked on almonds and fruits throughout the day. I essentially did a week of "raw food" eating.

I had my doubts about this project. My husband has long been an advocate of having your diet consist of mostly raw food--his good friend Dhrumil is at the forefront of the raw food movement. Me? I like my Taco Bell. And spinach pie. And pizza, bagels, wine, cheese, potato chips...

But I was feeling so tired and, out to dinner one night with friends, in between my 10th and 20th glass of champagne, I somehow agreed to "just try it" for a week. What mom can't use more energy, I reasoned. What's the worst that can happen right?

Well...: I have more energy than I have had in years. I can fit into jeans that I couldn't wear 5 days ago. I don't need coffee to get me going in the morning.

Egg on my face! I have pretty much made fun of my husband every day for his health-nut-ness. Now I am asking for tips...daily...! Dhrumil one time posted this about me on his raw food blog. What a difference a 4 years and 3 kids (and 10 extra pounds) makes!

I am now trying to figure out how to incorporate the benefits of the cleanse into my everyday life. I cannot live as a raw foodist. I like my bread and cheese too much. And the cleanse made socializing pretty difficult--I met my cousin out for dinner at an awesome SF restaurant one night, and as he chowed on cornbread and swished his Chianti, I poked at a little salad...and pouted...! So the entire "lifestyle" is not for me, but I can't deny the benefits. I was thinking about how funny it is that, in all the posts so far on this blog, not even one has been related to health and fitness. Telling no? So tell me: Have you guys tried cleanses? How did you feel on them? What worked, what didn't? Did your diet and lifestyle change post-cleanse?

Beautiful Things

How do I love thee, let me count the ways. As promised, I am showing you some of the stuff I covet weekly. And believe me there is much to choose from...! I always have a pair of shoes I "need" in the back of my mind...and my need for these is serious...

Why do women love shoes so much? There is an almost hypnotic allure to putting on a new pair of "perfect" shoes. And killer heels take my mind to fanciful places, allowing me to envision dancing till dawn under a starlit sky, strolls in Venice after a midnight glass of Chianti, kicking of said killer heels and jumping onto a perfectly styled bed...

Plus shoes are just aesthetically beautiful. Something about the proportions and the slope of a heel--they are art. Alas, I will never have these shoes...but--and I sincerely mean this--I'm glad I get to experience their aesthetic genius.

Penelope Cruz confesses: "I have never been able to study a new role until, alongside the director, we choose the shoes which the woman we are about to bring to the screen will be wearing. Everything starts down there."

I know it's a recession. I know we aren't buying stuff. I know we shouldn't judge a book by its cover. But taking a page from PCruz, I have to agree that the way we portray ourselves is indeed an indication of our character--for better or worse. Style, and feeling good about the way we look is recession-proof. As is appreciating beautiful things.

Monday Musings: That's What Friends Are For

We had such a great weekend--the perfect combination of time with the kids, time by ourselves, and time with friends (at a secret Dave Chappelle show in Oakland no less!). I spent much of Sunday in that cozy, fuzzy cocoon that, if you had to label it, would be called gratitude. Not much of a phone person, I even mustered up the energy to pick up the phone and call one of my best friends from law school. She and I are on constant contact on email but, obviously, there is nothing like a real conversation, where you hear someone's voice and where topics proceed in real time versus the weird timing of emails back and forth. I hung up the phone with a buzz--that is what time with good friends does right?

Apparently, it does more than that. According to this article, strong friendships may actually better your health and increase your life expectancy. Among the many mind-blowing statistics in the article: Women suffering from breast cancer who are without close friends are four times as likely to die from the disease as women with 10 or more friends. And, this anecdote blew me away as well:

Last year, researchers studied 34 students at the University of Virginia, taking them to the base of a steep hill and fitting them with a weighted backpack. They were then asked to estimate the steepness of the hill. Some participants stood next to friends during the exercise, while others were alone.

The students who stood with friends gave lower estimates of the steepness of the hill. And the longer the friends had known each other, the less steep the hill appeared.

“People with stronger friendship networks feel like there is someone they can turn to,” said Karen A. Roberto, director of the center for gerontology at Virginia Tech. “Friendship is an undervalued resource. The consistent message of these studies is that friends make your life better.”

Take a second to digest that: Friendship can actually change your perception of adverse situations!

It reminds me of a scene from the Sex And the City Movie (which I didn't even really like...) Remember when Miranda calls Carrie on New Years Eve? The scene of Carrie getting up and rushing over to Miranda, telling her "You aren't alone," that beautiful version of Auld Lang Syne playing in the background--it's one of the best miniatures of what friendship means that I have ever seen...

Ever since I became a mother I have appreciated my friendships so much more. The simplest acts of human kindness make me well up now (why is that? do they inject cheesiness when they take out the baby?) so the wonderful, loving friendships I have in my life bowl me over, when I really think about it.

But here's the thing: It seems like lots of us have stopped making new friends. Think about it--when is the last time you met somebody you connected with and really got to cultivate a new friendship with her? We all have the usual rigamarole of why this is so, not the least of which is that--um--we are moms and are therefore busy. But is that it? Do we just not have time for new friends anymore?

According to this clip it's more than that. Entitled "Why Is It So Difficult To Make Mom Friends," this video chronicles women who explain their stumbling stones in finding kindred spirits amongst other moms. To wit: There's even an eHow post on the topic of "How to Make Mom Friends."

It can't be just time, can it? Are moms too judgmental to become close with other moms? Are our social interactions too focused on children to give friendships a chance? I wonder if that part of us that is curious to meet new people and experience new things gets dimmed a little post-children. Because of fatigue and time limitations, yes...but also because of complacency...we don't need new friends anymore, like me might have in college, or when we moved to a new city. We are fine with how things are...

I vacillate on the take-away from this though. On the one hand, I never feel like i have enough time for the wonderful friends I have. Perhaps the goal, then, should be to make more time for our friends in meaningful ways. Don't just play catch-up and replay the same jokes over and over again. Engage. Learn. Grow.

On the other, who wants life to be crystallized exactly where we are right now? We have to live and learn and change (hopefully for the better) and that means meeting new people and not being static. And though it's harder to make new friends now than it was in college--when the magical perfect storm occurs, and you do actually meet a new friend with whom you can laugh and cry as if you have known her forever...man can it be amazing.

Plus, it just might lower your cholesterol...!

Weekend Links

Got gum? Snap away--gum may be healthy for you.

Eureka--one piece of furniture your kids can draw on! And the coolest crayons ever with which to draw.

Check out this good, do-able advice on how to get out of the mac-n-cheese rut.

Need a beauty pick-me-up? Indian Makeup Diva teaches you how to look polished in 5 minutes flat.

Brown Girls: Tweet Tweet

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I Am a Horrilbe Mom, No Seriously, I Mean it!

I got an interesting email from a reader last week, asking for my take on this article, entitled "Bad Parents and Proud of It." I read the whole piece with interest, as it dovetails with something I have been thinking more and more: We live in an age of confessional parenting. Even before I read the article I was starting to notice that more moms were writing essays about their "dirty little secret" that they give their kids sugar/are anti-extra curricular activities/use their children as child labor...! According to the article, traffic on certain sites increased exponentially when content involved "mommy confessions." Why is that? Is it simply that we want to hear what other people in our situation are saying and doing? Perhaps. But part of me thinks we like to read these things because it makes us feel better about ourselves. Jerry Springer for the mommy-set.

Somewhere along the way, it has become cool and almost necessary to downplay the things we do for our children. I am as guilty of this as anybody else. Whenever anybody gives me anything resembling a compliment about my children, I find some way to undermine it or give some apropos of nothing example of how I'm a "disaster" as a mom. And maybe I am a disaster. But that's not the point. At least not of this particular post...!

When did it become uncool to take pride in our parenting?

I am all for breaking down the walls of parental judgment. Your kid isn't sleep trained and is 4? So what. That wouldn't work for me, but hopefully it works for you. Your 3 year old isn't potty-trained? Guess what, mine either. But this article indicates a trend that goes deeper than this. It indicates a sort of badge of honor that parents are starting to desire for doing things like pushing over their toddlers and letting their kids watch 6 hours of tv a day. Now, can't lie, there have been days when D has watched so much tv his eyes are glazed over. But I am ashamed of this. I want to fix it. I don't want a plaque, or a slap on the back with the corresponding "we all do that" speech.

Like most thing, there is a thin line at play here. I happen to own every "mommy book" that references cocktails. "Sippy Cups are not for Chardonnay," "I laughed I cried I drank a Margarita"--all that stuff. So clearly I am firmly in the camp of people who never will be and never want to be Miss Perfect Mom. Playdates are better with a little champagne. That being said, I do feel proud about some of my parenting, some of the little ways I am raising my kids. And I hope to accumulate more little nuggets of pride as they grow older and need more guidance. Will we be living in a world where, even to my friends, I won't be allowed to express that pride? And, as the article points out, what will it feel like if and when our children hear or read the way we are talking about them?

**Thanks to Atul for the link to the article!