Back-to-School Night

This week my husband and I went to our first back-to-school parents night. Our daughter's teacher’s name sounds totally Indian -- let's just call her "Sita." You may think she’s Indian, but you’d be wrong. She informed me that Sita is her spiritual name, and that she’s been living at a Hindu ashram for the past 20 years. I wonder if that makes her love my daughter more than the rest of the children. You may laugh at this, but seriously, she had nothing but good things to say about her!

On the Montessori “work” periods: “Some kids are not great about putting away their work when they’re done. Your daughter is very good at putting away her work.”

On socialization: “Alex totally does his own thing and doesn’t like to play a lot with others. Johnny is a social butterfly, sometimes to the detriment of his work. Your daughter is a bit of both; she really gets into her work, but then she’s social, too.”

On eating: “Some of the kids only sit for 10 minutes. Your daughter will sit the longest – she eats very well.”

On the potty: “Your daughter never has any problems with using the potty. Do you want to share some advice with the rest of the parents on how to potty-train?”

In general: “Your daughter is really easy for us. She cries right when you drop her off, but as soon as you leave, she never cries or causes us any trouble.”

Oh my God, my child is a superstar! I need to alert the Nobel committee, start the Harvard application, put her into Mensa before age 3!

The very next day, Friday, which is her day with me, she has a meltdown at her playdate which causes me to leave early with her. On the way out she starts yelling so loud people on the other side of the street are laughing (okay, it was Deepa who was laughing, and Deepa’s son was so shocked that he stopped crying himself). She has a tantrum at home before napping, a tantrum when she gets up, a tantrum on the way to the park, a tantrum AT the park, a tantrum getting in the car, a tantrum getting OUT of the car… you get the point.

I have decided we’re just really bad parents. But at least we did something right, because apparently she is an angel the second we’re out of the room.

The Lunchbox Chronicles

I know this is probably the millionth time this back-to-school season that some random mom is writing about the mind-numbing act of making a lunch for her child every morning but here goes anyway. It is absolutely mind-numbing to pack a lunch for my child every morning. And I have only been doing this for 3 weeks! There is something so overwhelmingly deflating about picking up my son and opening his lunchbox, only to find: The exact same configuration I packed 7 hours ago. It is like getting a giant F in lunch packing every day. I need a remedial lunch packing class. My son can't even read yet, but if he could I would put a post-it note in his lunch box that said: "I am sorry I suck so badly at this, I love you." Is anyone working on a pill we can give our children for lunch? That would be the equivalent of a balanced nutritious meal? (As in a real one, not like the ads that show Lucky Charms as part of a balanced, nutritious meal...so long as you eat them with wheat toast, a banana, and a different, actually nutritious cereal). My foodie husband, parents and sister are collectively gasping in horror right now over the idea of a medicinal pill in lieu of a tasty meal--but if anyone is working on this, please add me to your mailing list, sign me up for the seminar, let me know if you need help in marketing. I'm in.