Would you want to check into a "post-partum recovery center" after you had your baby? Instead of going home after the 2 nights in a hospital, you go to a hotel of sorts where you rest and are taken care of (along with your baby). And you stay there for a month! According to this article, this practice is growing in popularity in certain Asian cities, where the month after a baby's birth is called "the sitting period" and post-partum mothers are supposed to stay inside and generally be resting.
The idea would be akin to science-fiction to most of my non-Indian friends and it seems bizarre to me too in the sense that you don't return to your family. At the same time, I can remember after I had my first son that my parents thought I should stay inside; rest; not venture to social events and whatnot. In retrospect, this model did more harm than good for me--the moment I started to feel confident as a mother was when I was allowed to re-engage with the world and do simple things like take a walk or go to the store with my newborn. Trapped inside my house, I felt isolated, overwhelmed, alone. Obviously, though, my parents didn't want me to feel like this--it was their cultural mores and their love for me that caused them to give the advice they did.
Right about now, when there are at least eight times a day when all three of my kids are whining or crying, checking into any place that is not my home and being taken care of has a massive appeal. But I can't help but think the idea--just like the idea that you should stay inside for a month--is a bit escapist and, in practice, might delay the whole process of starting to live your life post-baby.
What about you? Were you told to stay home for a period of time after you had your baby? Did you do it and was it beneficial to you? Would you go to one of these recovery centers if you didn't have family around to take care of you during "the sitting period"?
Deepa is a wife, mother, writer and she sometimes masquerades as a lawyer as well. She revels in friendship, humor, champagne, and laughing at herself--often. She never ever reads US Magazine, thinks Rushdie is a genius, wishes she could write one sentence as funny as "Arrested Development," and lives in the Bay Area with her motley crew. She can be reached at deviswithbabies@gmail.com
This is such an Indian thing I think! My mom wanted me to stay in bed for the whole mnth!! At first it was nice, I have to admit, but then I wanted to get out of the house.
this is crazy! i can definitely imagine being taken caer of, but not at some facility, it seems almost creepy to me!!
I think I would rather be "taken care of" by my husband than by strangers...
After I had my first son, I travelled to India with my mom and stayed at my grandparents house. It was a wonderful experience, one I wouldn't trade for anything in the world. I was massaged every day; had fresh fruit juices whenever I wanted; and had an opportunity to bond with my child without the pressures of tending to a home. I wished I could stay forever!
I would KILL for a month of being taken care of. BUt I would want it to be in my own home, not in some hospital.
I so relate to what you said! My parents had the best intentions in the world but when they kept insisting that I lie down and not leave the house at all it made me batty. I felt better too after I could resume life with my new child.
I don't really see what the big deal is, this is just like an extended stay at a hospital for people who need or want extra help...
I understand what you're saying...but I do think it is best for mom and baby to limit social commitments and "stay inside" for the first month. FOr bonding, for nursing, for general health. So if someone is there to take care of teh mom and babe, all the better!
Oh how I wish I had family to take care of me after my daughter was born. After two days in the hospital, it was just my husband and me, and my husband went back to work one week later. I had never felt so alone in my entire life. I think this concept of a recovery center is good if only to ensure that the moms have social support.
this couldn't have come at a better time, i am currently struggling with this as a mom of a 2 week old. my mom is AWESOME and is helping round the clock, but she has all these ideas of what is supposed to be done--like i'm not supposed to wash my hair?? has anybody heard of that? i'm starting to go a little crazy to be honest, but a month isn't that long. i do wonder why it's asian cities that have these practices??????
I would think its an idea that would catch on in the West, what with PPD, post-partum-depression, being what it is. I think a place like this would be a welcome respite for women who suffer from that. And a place where they could probably talk open about it and get some counseling.
The whole rest period thing in India is based on ancient ideas of "purity". Different caste women were considered "impure" for different time periods after giving birth.
A brahmin woman's "rest" period was the longest. The lower you go down on the caste scale, the "rest" period became shorter. We know the reason for that. The lower castes had work to get back to! The upper castes did not want them "resting" for too long.
I had an opposite problem. I was longing for help from my parents but they sort of came, saw the baby, and left. I think it is the curse of always seeming like you have everything under control: People will think you really do. And I couldn't get myself to ask my mom to stay but that is a whole other comment I know! Anyway it ended up being a crash course for me and looking back I would have enjoyed it more if I had somebody there watching out for me, or just another pair of hands.
My mother tried to get me to stay home for 45 days, I think. Luckily I won that battle, but there were others that she won, like eating all kinds of crazy things and wearing a hat all the time, because after preg if you get a head cold you'll have a "permanent headache."
Anon, the 45 day thing is iteresting. From what I recall of scripture reading, 40 plus days is the period for brahmins.
But hey, it beats having to be thrust back into the world full time after going through such a life and body changing experience.
I had to stay in the house for 30 days and only venture out after a trip to the mandir for baby and me. At first it was nice to get rest, but it gets old after the first two weeks. I was going crazy and my mom and I did a lot of damage to our relationship as a result. In hindsight, I should have ventured out after two weeks, even for a short walk or trip to the grocery store. Hindsight is always 20/20. I know my mom meant well, but all the suggestions/restrictions were too much.
I wished there was a place like that for me. I wanted to be left alone and just rest and recover from the surgery.
My mom didn't arrive until after 6 weeks post-partum. So, I was a bit confident with my baby before all the suggestions started.