Let's Talk About Sex?

Tuesday, October 7, 2008
Something about having kids makes many things that we used to take for granted seem novel and sparkly. Dinner AND a movie?? Sleeping in till 10?? Somebody pinch me I must be dreaming. But sex? Does sex seem novel post-kids? Sure there is less time for it, but...let's face it...we all make time for the things that are truly important right?

According to this SF Chronicle article, there is a growing movement of events called "Hump Parties"--parties centered around "generating healthy sexual dialogue" about sex after children. The parties are based on a book by Kimberly Ford entitled "Hump: The True Tales of Sex After Kids." I scoffed at the whole notion of these sorts of parties when I read the article--and it is easy to scoff when the piece includes descriptions of "Humptini" cocktails and the story of one woman who talks about her "dark years" and how they involved "couples porn." But one sentence got to me. Talking about the author of "Hump Parties," the article states: "Her advice is relatable and based on her own frustrating experience as a member of a new- mommy group, where she realized there was a dearth of discussion about sex as a central aspect of marriage and monogamy."

I am sort of a fan of anybody who bemoans the strange qualities of joining "new mommy" groups. And, after reading the article, I started to think if I have ever discussed sex with any of the friends I have made since having children. I came to the conclusion that I don't believe I have but this didn't shock me as I am a pretty private person. So I asked a few other people, too--moms less shy than I--and it seems like the door to the sex conversations is one that usually doesn't open these days. I'm not sure if this is a good thing or a bad thing. But it does seem to be case. My mind races. Is it our ingrained Indian purity about sex that makes us refrain? Is there just nothing to talk about? Surely there is as much to be said about monogamy and sex as there is about Britax versus Graco, no? Thoughts?
Cindu said...

I def think that the lack of dialogue centered around sex amongst South Asian woman is in large part due to the views most of our mothers fed us. I grew up thinking sex was "unpure" or "dirty"...it was always taboo in my home growing up... i def don't want it to be that way when I have my own kids...
Keep writing ladies!! I am addicted:)

Mira said...

I completely agree with cindu. Moreover, I have found that my non-Indian friends are far more open about their relationships than my Indian friends. I think it also has something to do with "maintaining appearances". Meaning that if we don't talk about any problems we have, whether they be about sex or anything else, or any dissatisfactions, then nobody will know. I hope we manage to break out of this mentality. It is no way to grow real friendships and it really isn't that fun!

Mark said...

I speak for at least two of Deepa's pre-baby friends when I applaud South Asian taboos, privacy, and purity. We wouldn't let you talk about this stuff with us if you tried. More jewelry and purse links, please!

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