On the way out of my sister-in-law's place yesterday, my husband joked, "Based on how much we do, Father's Day should be, like, from 7 a.m. till noon. Then it should be a continuation of Mother's day..."
We all laughed and my sister-in-law and I exchanged that sort of running-joke-knowing-glance. Yes, moms do alot. Yes, moms--let's be honest--do more than dads, more often than not. Yes we give birth, we nurse, we know how much milk is in the fridge.
But you know what? This journey--and let's be clear, parenthood is nothing if not a journey of Homerian proportions--would be a horribly whiter shade of pale without these guys by our side. At least for me--and I think for most of you as well. I was telling someone the other day that having a partner in parenthood isn't about tallying up who does what, and who does more--it's more about having somebody to have adult conversation with during a day of non-stop baby logistics, going to sleep next to someone you love at the end of a hard day, knowing that you entered into this whole thing with your co-conspirator in life.
So my ode to my joy, my husband, the only person in the world who can make me laugh and cry at the same time, who makes up songs with me about Castro and nachos, who diapers babies as often as I do and who, when I feel like I am drowning in the mundanity of it all, can make me feel plugged in and alive:
Thank you.
Thank you for convincingly still declaring that you think I am beautiful after 3 kids in 4 years.
Thank you for understanding the notion of something approaching equal parenting even though we have never discussed it as a philosophy.
Thank you for never, ever allowing me to take myself too seriously...but at the same time knowing when I need to be serious.
Thank you for believing in me.
Thank you for being able to laugh at yourself (there's a lot to laugh about...!)
Thank you for consistently, persistently, continually, striving. To be better. At everything.
Thank you for my children, my life.
And one request--Not about helping me during night feedings; not about not going on so may business trips. Not about schedules, expectations, formula, groceries, drop off, pick up, date nights, phone calls. Not about any of the trappings of this life with three kids under 4. My one request? Please please...PLEASE Get rid of those shoes.
Deepa is a wife, mother, writer and she sometimes masquerades as a lawyer as well. She revels in friendship, humor, champagne, and laughing at herself--often. She never ever reads US Magazine, thinks Rushdie is a genius, wishes she could write one sentence as funny as "Arrested Development," and lives in the Bay Area with her motley crew. She can be reached at deviswithbabies@gmail.com
this is so sweet deepa, thank you for sharing
WHAT are those shoes?!?!?
jesus now i wish i wrote my husband a better card
i always wonder how single parents do it for precisely the reasons you say
are those shoes for real?
Deepa, this is so wonderful, your husband is lucky as are you to have a partnership and I think it's such a great reminder that we need to tell each other every once in a while how much we appreciate each other.
Nachos and Castro? Do tell.
your lucky husband!
so well said!
it's nice to see someone not complaining about us for a change.
i agree with your husband: father's day should be more ike
"father's minute or two"! LOL
Deepa! I just saw you in Femina!! Are you going to post the article to your site???
Have to tell you, you are right as rain. I am a single mom, going at it alone, and while I don't have three kids like you, my one is a plenty. I never planned to be doing this alone and what you say about a co-conspirator vibes with me; for me it became as if my husband and weren't even roommmates let alone each other-s co conspirator we were instead these blogs inhabiting the same space and going through the motions of raising a child. Nothing is worse.
d you're making us all look bad!!!!
Ok, I had a comment on this lovely post, which was washed away by the sight of those shoes. They don't glow in the dark, do they?