Booby Trapped

Nursing didn't come easy to me the first time around. Or the second. Here I am, round three and: Lo and behold, a minor miracle, it isn't as bad as before...! Not exactly a ringing endorsement for the whole practice or in line with the idea that breastfeeding is this whole wonderful bonding experience...but I'll take it. Basically I am glad that (TMI to follow this parenthetical) my breasts are not oozing blood this time around, so...

But still--no matter how much "easier" it is, relatively, than before, it is still mind-boggling to me how much time I will spend doing it. Most of you know the drill: For the next few months, I will nurse this little baby every 3 hours, for an average of 30 minutes at a time. Not to belabor the point but think about it--that means if I do one feeding at, say, noon; by the time I am done it is 12:30; by the time she is burped, diapered etc., is is likely closer to 1. Then--two hours later, at the most, it is time to do it again. And there is no rest for the weary: No recession is going to impact this 24-hour-a-day job.

I have friends who look back on nursing with pie-eyes and memories of hour after hour of blissfully gazing at their newborn, imagining who she will become, how she will grow up, what their lives will be like as she grows. For whatever reason that has never been me. Even this time around, with the knowledge that such behavior is possible, I can focus on those sorts of thoughts for a maximum--an absolute maximum--of about 32 seconds. That leaves approximately 29 minutes and 28 seconds each feeding that I have to figure out other things to think about.

So here are some of the Random Thoughts I Have Had in My First Week of Round-the-Clock Nursing:

-Why are the "most natural things in the world"--pregnancy, labor, childbirth, breastfeeding come to mind--the most painful?

-How odd is it that so many rites of passage are connected with our boobs. Getting them; puberty; getting a first bra; the first time they are touched; giving them to your husband; giving them to your baby.

-Where does the expression "booby trapped" come from? What does it mean??

-Who made up the words for all the colors? Like, did a caveman see fire and make up the word "red" or "blue"? How did the caveman come up with that?

-I wonder if panjiri really works?

-Poor Frieda Pinto's husband.

-Am I the only one who finds the word "tits" offensive? I don't even know why but hearing the word makes my hair stand up. (I know that if certain people are reading this they will now find a way to incorporate the word into every single conversation we ever have...just beware: I am coming up with an appropriate counter-strategy as we speak, or nurse as the case may be...)

-Am I the only one who thinks it counts as saving money when you add tons of stuff to your cart on shopbop.com...but then close your window without purchasing? (Note to husband: This is rhetorical, please allow me my delusional sources of pride).

-It really is different to be gazing down at a girl, as opposed to a boy. Sure it may be in my head, but what thoughts do we have to go on besides the ones in our head. Our heads are our worlds no?

-Three kids is hard.

-What's the difference between "sound editing" and "sound mixing"?

-What's that drug they gave me? Before the epidural? Fentenol? That was fun.

-Did D ever smell like popcorn? S smells sort of like popcorn right now.

-Thank you whoever invented Lanolin.

-...Who will she become?

-...How will she grow up?

-...What will our lives be like?