Introducing: Ask An Indian Auntie

It's no secret that we worry about what people think. It's become the stuff of cliche that Indians are more concerned with what the Jones' are saying about them, than keeping up with (or surpassing, as the case may be) them. Our generation makes fun of our parents for their constant refrain of "what would people think" and yet--who among us doesn't have some amount of that instinct? The social and cultural landscape of second generation Indian women is hairy (in more ways than one...!) Especially during those times when, try as you might, you just cannot understand where your mom, mother-in-law, uncle, auntie, cousin, is coming from, in terms of protocol, etiquette, or life in general. Add to it the host of issues that motherhood poses and there are a lot of questions that go through our heads...

Indian Aunty is here to help! "Indian Aunty" is a collection of some of the funniest, wisest, most proper and most wonderfully improper Indian Aunties I have met--she will morph and change but what remains the same will be this: She will tell you what Saroj Auntie and Kamala Auntie are saying about you behind your back, she will not mince words and she will let you know when she thinks you're--well--completely wrong. And knowledge is power, no?

Welcome to Ask An Indian Auntie. Send your questions to deviswithbabies@gmail.com or leave them in the comments section here.

Q: Dear Indian Auntie,

I caught my husband looking at Indian porn. For some reason it bothered me more that it was Indian but that's not my main issue. My main issue is this: He always has claimed to be, and seems to be, pretty "traditional." Doesn't looking at porn fly in the face of traditional Indian values? And should I care? I think it's kind of disgusting but he isn't hurting anybody, he's a good husband, a great father, we are happy. Has this always happen?

-Paused by the Porn, San Francisco, California

A: Dear Paused by the Porn Beti,

Thank you for your writing! This very thing happened to me when I was a young 21 year old bride. I was making the dinner when I noticed that my husband was not sitting at the table, like he always was. He would sit there, smiling, impatiently yearning for his dinner. But tonight, he was missing!

So, I walked upstairs and realized he was in the bathroom, with the door closed. He never closed the bathroom door! I thought something was going on. I'll never forget the moment, when I knew what was going on. I could even smell it.

"Why are you eating chicken tikka masala in the bathroom!', I shouted. "I have only been working all day, cooking that very dish for your dinner!"

Later, I talked to other women and realized I was not alone. All men want to sample the cooking of other women sometimes.

In these modern days, the type of pornography may have changed, but men and their yearnings have not. So I wonder, what if, on that day, he was eating eggplant parmesan? Cheeseburger and fries? Cous-Cous?

I think I would have felt the same sense of confusion and fear. You see, the problem is not the type of food. The problem is the appetite.

When my husband came home from work the next day, there was no dinner. I told him it was simple. If someone else is feeding him, my work is done, no?

Email to me when he stops. He will.

Love you Beti,
Your Indian Auntie.