Next Week: Testosterone

Hey readers--

In case you missed it: Next week is going to be a little different. In response to this, and this, and this, I have decided to turn the blog over to some rogue males...! I will never forget the email I received from a good friend of mine, a couple weeks into writing this blog, that said "you aren't going to turn into a male-bashing forum are you?" and I laughed out loud, since, honestly?, I love males, don't really want to bash them (unnecessarily...!), and it was never my intention to form a coalition of anti-male sentiment.

That being said, there's something going on right now. Maybe it's the stage many of us are in; maybe it's the beginnings of a social phenomenon--I don't know. But more and more, conversation is turning to gender roles, how they play out in modern life, what we can do to shape them and--unfortunately--how fed up women are with the men in our lives.

So let's get some answers from the male horses mouths. There is a great roster of writers, covering everything from fatherhood to raising daughters; from appeasing the wife to finding wonder in the mundane. You'll laugh you'll cry...! No, but seriously, you might. In the tradition of "knowledge is power," I am hoping that next week's posts will crack open some of the mystery of the male mind.

Or maybe that's too lofty--I think it will be cool enough to just get to read some words from our partners-in-crime in this whole marriage, child-rearing, everyday life adventure, see what's on their minds...hope you feel the same way and hope you enjoy the show.

Tricks of the Trade

Sometimes the quest to streamline and make life more organized only adds to our mental and physical clutter. Think: Buying tons of supply at the Container Store...only to get home, not know how to actually use the stuff, having to find a way to organize your now-useless organizing supplies. I've done this maybe eighteen times. And, while everyone is online these days and proclaiming the virtues of sites and apps and whatnot, some of us (me) were a little slow on the uptake. There is so much tech stuff out there it can be overwhelming...

And yet: There are some really cool, easy-to-use web sites and applications that really are effective. Here are some of the "sites" and "apps" and doodads online that I've come across recently that actually do a little magic and make the life of a mom a tiny bit easier:

qlubb.com. A group site for anything from a book club to a sports team to a preschool class, Qlubb.com allows groups of people to communicate, post shared-calendars, share photos, set up a shared website, and interact effortlessly--for free, to boot. I am going to recommend this to my son's preschool teacher so that I never again miss another Room Parent opportunity (which are "announced" on mimeographed hand-outs that are put into our children's cubbies). No, seriously I am.

Kidrex: Kidrex makes Internet searches safe for kids by utilizing Google SafeSearch technology to eliminate inappropriate material. You can make KidRex your homepage and inappropriate search terms (I'm sure you can come up with a few to test the software) will return an "Oops! Try again" message.


PhoneTag: Love this because it allows me to use my phone even less. PhoneTag converts your voicemail into text messages. No more listening to the message for the millionth time to make sure you got everything.

UEatCheap: Eating cheaply just got easier. Type in your zip code and the type of food you are looking for and UEatCheap will find nearby restaurants with entrees that are less than $10.00.

Yojomama: Yojo Mama helps you find things like child-friendly restaurants, closest diaper changing station, playgrounds, shopping deals or kids clothing stores, while on the go. Currently available in San Francisco and New York (LA is up next in the lineup), Yojo Mama utilizes a user's time and location to whip up the most accurate results.

A couple Iphone Applications:

Around Me: Tells you everything that is, well, around you--banks, restaurants, theaters--at any location.

Italk: Turns your phone into a tape-recorder. One that actually works (unlike the myriad other applications that promise the same).

GroceryIQ: Lets you search its preloaded database of 130,000 grocery items to organize personal shopping lists by store, aisle, buying history, favorites. Also lets you store your favorite items.

What are they gonna invent next, mail that doesn't require postage? Heh.

Brown Girls: She's Just Not That Into You

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Starting in March, look out for Brown Girls in India Currents Magazine.

Keep On Playing Peek-a-Boo

I have been known to call the first couple months of motherhood "circuit training." You have this new little person who you love so much...but who really can't do very much. And you also have all this...stuff. The bouncer. The swing. The bouncing swing.

The Tiny Gym. The Tropical Tiny Gym. The Tiny Tropical Tiny Take-along Gym.

You know what I'm saying. I remember spending hours upon hours transporting my little guys from one apparatus to the next...and then realizing that, even after I had exhausted every single thing, it was only 10 a.m. Especially with my second, I wondered whether I was engaging in all the circuit training more for myself--to show that I was "doing things" with my baby--or for my child.

This new study confirms for me that all that time on the various mats, and making funny faces at my newborn in his various baby-containers was worth it. In the study, orphaned chimps who received love and attention--including affection and 4 hours of playtime a day--were compared with orphaned chimps who only received food and basic necessities. Not only did the attended- to and played-with chimps outperform the other group on basic IQ and developmental tests--they outperformed human babies as well!

So keep on playing the silly games, no matter how silly they are. If you are lucky you may one day have a child who is brighter than the average...chimp...

Mi room et su room

My sister and I shared a bedroom until I was 10 years old. I distinctly remember writing a letter (in magic marker--but in a very authoritative green magic marker) to my parents, enumerating the reasons why it was time for me to have my own room. I wonder if my parents still have the letter because I would love to know what some of my big concerns were. In retrospect, I loved sharing a room with Par. With the imminent arrival of my third baby and no plans to expand our home or move anytime in the near future, it is an absolute certainty that my three monsters will be sharing a room for some amount of time. And I'm almost jealous of them, and the closeness the proximity will breed. In thinking about this, I found myself wondering whether sharing a room was at all Indian? Did you guys share a room with your siblings? Will your kids share a room?

I came across this OhDeeDoh spread on creative ways to design shared rooms and I got even more jealous--how cool are some of these rooms?

For more inspiration, check out this and this.

In Focus: Dr. Susan Taylor, Rx for Brown Skin

I am always looking for the "perfect" skincare regime. I've talked about it before: One of the things that most aggravates me is the "one size fits all" approach to skincare and makeup--obviously different skin-tones require different treatments.

For years I've been consistently amazed that nobody has developed a powerful, scientifically-backed line of skincare specifically for South Asian skin. Which is why I was so intrigued to learn about Dr. Susan Taylor's line of products, Rx for Brown Skin. Released in 2007, the product line is the first-ever skin care line for women of color, scientifically formulated by a dermatologist. Although it is not only for South Asians, it was formulated with South Asians in mind.

Dr. Taylor's resume is impressive: Harvard-trained, featured as a medical expert in numerous magazines, newspapers and national news programs such as the Today Show and Good Morning America, Founding Director of the Skin of Color Center at St. Luke's-Roosevelt Hospital Center, board member of the American Academy of Dermatology, former president of the Skin of Color Society.

And while all of that is fine and good and great--what really matters is this: Her products work. I have been using her "Bright and Even" line of products for a month now and I am hooked. I hope this goes without saying but I would never, never recommend a product that I haven't personally tried and fallen in love with.

Here's my interview with Dr. Taylor. Like I said last week in introducing the "In Focus" feature, there are so many South Asian women doing so many amazing things and I am psyched to get to profile them--while Dr. Taylor isn't South Asian herself, she is creating amazing products for us nonetheless. Feel free to leaver her any questions in the comments section. Rx for Brown Skin is available through Dr. Taylor's website, as well as at Sephora.

What is your ethnic background?

I am African American--I'm actually a mixture of African, Delaware Indian, and Scottish.

How did you become interested in skincare?

During my 4th year of Harvard Medical School, I took a dermatology rotation and fell in love with the field of dermatology. Then while practicing dermatology in Philadelphia, I specifically became interested in skincare since so many of my patients were not happy with the products that were on the market and which they were using.

Your website explains the need for a specific regimen for brown skin--but what exactly is it about brown skin that makes its needs different from white or other skin?

Most notably it is the melanin pigment in brown skin that makes it different from white skin and hence, the need for different skin care. On one hand, melanin can protect brown skin from premature aging from sun exposure as well as from certain types of skin cancers. On the other hand, melanin can lead to troubling dark marks, discolorations and uneven skin tone. So for example, an ordinary acne pimple that resolves in 1 week can leave a dark mark that can last 1 year.

Are there particular ingredients in the skincare/makeup we see at department stores that don't work on us? Meaning, are we buying promises that will work on white skin but really do nothing for us? What are the ingredients we should look out for?

Today, most skin care companies have placed a heavy emphasis on products that speak to the anti-aging needs of the white population. Brown skin ages differently from white skin. We are less likely to develop fine lines and wrinkles, red blood vessels and sunspots and hence are less likely to need those products.

As you note on your blog, hyperpigmentation is of enormous concern to brown skinned ladies. What products from your line do you recommend?

I recommend the Rx for Brown Skin Power Pack which consists of Absolute Radiance Intensive Exfoliating Serum (designed to be used twice a week at bedtime) and Naturally Flawless Advanced Botanical Brightener (which is designed to be used twice a day). Naturally Flawless works 24/7 and contains 7 proven botanical brighteners, 4 potent antioxidants and 2 powerful hydrators. Absolute Radiance consists of a potent blend of alpha hydroxy acids and has been clinically proven to decrease dark marks in just 30 days.

Next to hyperpigmentation, the other biggest beauty issue I hear about in my cohort is under eye circles. We have all tried everything from Hylexin to the newest drug-store roller-ball applicators promising to banish our circles--nothing works. I think that most of the dark circles on Indians are genetic--would you agree? If this is the case, is it even worth trying to treat or is covering-up the only way to go? Do you have products in your arsenal to combat undereye circles and if so, how do they differ from the products in other lines?

In many women with brown skin, undereye circles are due to the combination of poor circulation of blood in the vessels under the eyes as well as too much melanin pigment. Circles can be a very, very difficult problem to treat. My Bright and Even Eye Cream contains technology to lighten the melanin induced dark marks and improve circulation.

Can you describe your entrepreneurial process for us? How did you come up with your line and how did it become what it is today?

Having a clear vision of the products that I wanted to create, believing that what I was doing would make a difference, working incredibly hard, not being fearful of failing and being guided by a higher power have brought me to where I am today. My partner and I formulated a business plan, I worked with chemists on the East and West Coast to formulate the ingredients and we met with several retailers to carry the product line.

Take us through a day in your life, from when you wake up in the morning till when you go to sleep at night.

Up at 6 am, check the weather on TV and then turn on CNN, shower and dress by 6:45 am. By 7 am my mother has comes over to help. I get my 2 daughters up (ages 12 and 16), feed everyone breakfast, walk the dog and drive the girls to school for an 8:15 am drop-off. Stop by Starbucks for coffee and drive downtown to the office (Society Hill Dermatology). During the drive I discuss Rx for Brown Skin business with my partner and formulate a to-do-list for the day. I see between 35-60 patients from 9 until 4. In between patients, I check in with the Rx office for any late breaking developments. After patients, I spend 2 hours on paperwork, conference calls, Rx work etc. I am home around 7, my housekeeper fixes dinner (thank God for Avril), we eat dinner, I might have a soccer or gymnastics drop off or pick up, I read the newspapers (New York Times, Philadelphia Inquirer and Wall Street Journal) check homework, finish work and sometimes participate in a conference call. I watch the 10 pm news, read a few pages of my book club book, talk to my husband, say my prayers and then "fall into a coma". Before I know it, it is 6 am again.

I hear you. I have been known to try to reason with my alarm clock. What advice do you have for somebody trying to break into the skincare/makeup/beauty industry?

Don't let anyone tell you that you cannot do it and be successful!

What's next up for your line? Are you considering doing a line of makeup for brown skin?

Two spot treatments: one for acne and one for dark spots. A line of makeup for brown skin is definitely in the line up.

What are some of your favorite products from other lines? What's in your makeup bag?

For foundation and powder: MAC. For mascara: Dior Show. For blush and eyeshadow: Bobby Brown and Dee.

What's the number one mistake brown girls make in terms of their skincare regimes?

Not having a daily skin care regimen: cleanser, toner, moisturizer, sunscreen.

I have read many times that toner is an unnecessary step. Do you disagree?

In today's beauty landscape, toners have been formulated with ingredients which are beneficial to the health of the skin. They no longer contain alcohol or just witch hazel. So by applying a toner, you are adding another layer of ingredients (ie. antioxidants, anti-inflammatories, hydrators, oil absorbers etc...) to the skin.

In light of the current economy, do you have any suggestions on where to scrimp and where it is still worth splurging in terms of skincare?

Splurge on cleansers and moisturizers. Scrimp on sunscreen (an SPF 30 with UVA protection is essentially the same at any price point).

How have your children influenced your line? Your work?

I think universally, children are central to everything that we do. In regard to the line, my children have helped me test products that I was formulating and they offer their opinion on marketing and strategy. The oldest goes in as a mystery shopper to make sure the Sephora staff is up-to-date with the products.

What one talent do you not have that you wish you had?

I wish I could sing!

What are you reading right now, or best movie/book in recent memory?

I am reading "Eat, pray, love." The best book is "The Leadership Moment: Nine True Stories of Triumph and Disaster and Their Lessons for Us All," by Michael Usse.

If you are interested in more of the science behind the line, and it's formidable blend of ingredients click here. Dr. Taylor is currently offering $15.00 off a purchase of the two best-selling skin brighteners. Click here for more details.

Monday Musings: Men!

I find myself thinking about men constantly.

As a mother of two young boys, I look at the men around me at coffee shops, on the street, at a restaurant and wonder about the paths that took them from sweet little boys who babble about trains; to teenagers with likes and dislikes and t-shirts proclaiming as much; to young adults with facial hair, caffeine needs, romantic entanglements. There are so many avenues from point A to point B, it's sometimes amazing that we, as mothers, all started out at the same place, growing these little guys inside of us.

Like many others, I used to scoff at simplistic gender scripts, like "boys will be boys" and the like. But then I had boys. And, as much as I would prefer to add nuance versus bromide to the age-old gender wars, I could not with a straight face say anything but: There are intrinsic, inherent differences between a 1 year old boy and a 1 year old girl. Or, ahem, boys will be boys.

Which makes me often revisit much of what I thought I held in such strong belief about men. And women. And how we relate to each other. If I really believe that there are intrinsic differences at birth, do I think they go away over time? I have never read "Men Are From Mars and Women Are From Venus." Despite the multivarious studies that conclude that men communicate differently from women, I refuse to chalk up disagreements I have with my husband to anything other than our own personalities and circumstances. But I do wonder: Am I kidding myself?

This post on the Motherlode really got me thinking. Entitled "Are All Moms Mad At Dad," it chronicles the seemingly ubiquitous phenomenon of--well--mothers seething with anger about their husbands. When a joke becomes an anecdote becomes a phenomenon based on gender lines, you have to wonder whether there is just something fundamental in our make-ups as men and women that is causing this.

Now that I will soon be adding a girl to my testosterone-filled home, I wonder anew about gender stereotypes, boys and girls, men and women and how they interact. Will my husband treat the little girl differently than our two boys? Will he wrestle with her in the same way he rough-houses with our boys? Will his views of fatherhood change--and will mine?

I have more questions than answers.

Why do so many of us thank our husbands when they watch the kids?
Why do so many men refer to watching their kids as "babysitting"?
Why are there so many jokes about fathers who are overprotective of their daughters while handing out "atta boys" to their sons?

What happens between marriage and parenthood, and why are women so angry about it?
Why has male-bashing essentially become an Olympic sport?

Where do our husbands' paternal instincts come from?
Who do our husbands look up to as examples of "good dads"?
Why can boys watch sports for days?

When in doubt: Go to the source, no? Next week, boys are taking over the blog. Every day, two men in different phases of their dating, married, parenting lives will be giving you a glimpse into their male minds. Hope you'll gather your gender stereotypes, pop open a Budweiser, put your hand down your pants and enjoy...!