As far as I can tell, we are all finding creative ways to weather this recession. Yesterday I saw a friend who sewed lace over a cheap-o black skirt from Old Navy and--no joke--I asked her if the skirt was Marni. Kudos S--will you make me one please?
I am not sure I have the skill to transform my Target duds to masterpieces just yet. But I did happen upon this site that may save me some money on toys. An idea after the heart of your most hard-core "Uncle" who can "get it cheaper", Toy Swap fulfills most moms' dual desires to save precious cash and reduce clutter, all the while being able to offer the kids new stuff. Win, win, win, no?
Some of how it works:
- Free membership for buying or selling
- First swap is free
- More than 10,000 members trade toys within seven clear price ranges.
- The site collects a $1 fee for each swap.
- Categories list all toys currently up for grabs, including any that you list; you work out a swap for desired toys via email with other members.
- All correspondence and agreements go through the Toy Swap site manager.
Deepa is a wife, mother, writer and she sometimes masquerades as a lawyer as well. She revels in friendship, humor, champagne, and laughing at herself--often. She never ever reads US Magazine, thinks Rushdie is a genius, wishes she could write one sentence as funny as "Arrested Development," and lives in the Bay Area with her motley crew. She can be reached at deviswithbabies@gmail.com
haven't tried it, no, but it sounds promising!
would love to try tjis! wish i had thoight of it!
Hi! We started something similar just amongst our circle of friends (with no fees of course!) It works great!
I wish my friends would do this, it is how I grew up, but for some reason my circle doesn't get it and everyone buys everthing.
this is such a great idea! another one of the silver linings of this whole recession!
loooooooove this thx!
i would totally try this. i guess shipping is sort of a hassle though? might be better to try to organize swaps amongst the people you know?
see THIS is what i'm talking about! a blog with ACTUALLY helpful things. THANK YOU.
This is entirely off-topic, and maybe it's already been discussed at some point on this blog (I'm a relatively new reader), but as an American-born soon-to-be devi with a baby I'm dying to know whether I'm alone on this ultra-sensitive issue.
I'm ashamed to say it, but when I learned I was having a boy I was . . . well, relieved. And not because boys are 'easier' or any of that. It is, of course, this whole Indian notion of 'needing' a son.
Maybe it's because my mother would wistfully make some vague lament from time to time about how she didn't have a son (it's me and my sister), but I have a feeling I would feel this way nonetheless, just because of how pervasive this maternal sentiment is in India and among the first-generation immigrants. (Naturally, my mother is ecstatic about her first grandson.) I do want a daughter, but I have to admit that now that the 'boy quota' has been filled it makes it easier - actually, it makes it possible - to express that desire. It's clear to me now that if I had a daughter first it would matter even more to me that the second were a boy - and I hate that that's true.
As someone whose career is very important to her and who would label herself a feminist, prior to getting pregnant I never thought I'd feel this way, and indeed openly said I didn't care what kind of brood I had. I feel terrible that I do, but I'm not going to deceive myself about it. When I pressed my husband about it, he too admitted that he feels a little less 'burdened', in the same way. Truth be told, though, I'm pretty sure that it matters to him less, which just erodes my feminist credentials all the more.
Of course, I wouldn't raise a daughter differently than a son (or so I think - maybe that's naive). Certainly in terms of expectations and gender roles and so forth I obviously won't hold one to a higher, or different, standard than the other. But this is not the same thing.
I'm sorry this has been pretty long-winded, but as you had two sons and then a daughter (I may as well admit it now that I'm this far gone: that's my ideal family) I'm wondering if you ever felt the same way Deepa? Or if any other devis out there have felt likewise?
This was really hard for me to own up to, so I hope I don't get criticized too mercilessly (especially if no one else has felt the same way, in which case I'll just put on an apron and go stand in the kitchen barefoot).
OMG i have always wondered if this would be addressed on the blog, namely the sort of ingrained idea that we "need" to have sons. I am one of 3 girls! My husband is the eldest son and he has a younger sister and his mom never ceases in telling me that that is the "ideal set up." why? who knows?!??!?!? there is NO rational explanation for it. but i can't lie, i know think it is my DUTY to provide as much even though i know it makes NO SENSE!
If you go through various comments on this blog this issue of male/female gender roles does come up but not exactly this question which I think comes down to: Is it BETTER to have a boy first and then girls. It's super interesting, I have never really thought about it but i DO know that when I was pregnant with my first born (a son) my in laws did some sort of prayer ritual to "ensure" (haha) it was a boy. I just chalked it up to their craziness but I guess I never got to see what would happen had i had a girl. I know I would be fine. But would they I do not know. Frnkly I don't really care, this sort of male worship is absurd. But that doesn't mean i don't want to get along with my family.
There is so much to this issue. On the one hand, traditional Indians thing that a son is going to lift them up and give them status. At the same time, they think that a daughter will take care of them in their old age. So they want both. Where these ideas of who does what comes from, I have no idea. But I have heard my extended family utter enough of it to know that they really really believe these things. I too was relieved when I found out I was having a son. My parents and in laws would ahve thought I had done something wrong if our first born was a daughter. It is insane. I know it is insane. But I was still relieved. That might make me insane I know.
Haha did not expect a comment chain like this on this post but glad to see it! @RT: thanks for opening up the conversation. Curious about how you grew up--very traditionally? Sort of traditionally? I am one of two sisters and my parents have never uttered one word of wistfullnes about the lack of a boy. But when I got pregnant with my first child (a daughter) my in laws didnt wait but a second to tell me that "it will be a boy next time, don't worry." I wasn't worried at all!!! But my husband was brought up traditional Punjabi and I was brought up more modern Mullu. I don't know. I just hope you have a healthy happy baby and don't get too bogged down with this stuff. If we all get on the same page this sort of double standard and sillyness can end with US.
Curious "RT": Why is 2 boys and then a girl your ideal family? Even if you felt "pressure" to have a boy first, why are you concerned about the sex of the second and third?
Coming from a woman who has now had three miscarriages: Count your blessings that you get to worry about these things. I don't mean it to be harsh, just to put it into perspective.
If you never thought you would care about the sex of your first child, how are you so sure that you won't raise a son or daughter differently?
RT, do not be ashamed, we are all the products of culture, upbringing, society whatnot. Instead, focus on how you want to raise that child you are carrying. What values would you like him to have? What if, one day , he and his wife don't have a boy. How do you want them to feel. Looking at things from the eyes of our kids, and lookinat the world as a place we want them to live is the starting point. Everything else follows.
I have a somewhat different approach to this dilemma. As a Malayalee Hindu, we follow a matriarchal society where back in the day all property was inherited by the daughters. In fact, all matters of the household were run by women. If I had been raised in India, my last name would have been my mom's. When I was pregnant with my baby, all my relatives in India kept repeating to me how they wished it would be a girl. So when I found out I was having a girl, I was thrilled, not because I would've loved a son any less, but because having daughters is important to my family.
My MIL was super happy that my first-born is a son. She had 7 daughters before having couple of sons, and many grand daughters. I try to pick my battles when she says "Finally the family is blessed with boys!".
We are two girls and I would have been happy either way. But it is kind of exasperating to hear that "It must be great to have a boy!"
If you are a Facebook user, you may try out the toy swap facebook app(http://apps.facebook.com/toyswap/).
You can list toys for swap or giveaway. Whenever you list something, your friends on Facebook will get notified.