Monday Musings: Bravo is Reading My Diary

Do you ever feel like you've been had? Not in a punk'd, "Hi Sarah Palin, I'm the President of France" kind of way. More in the sense that somebody has stolen your ATM card and is buying gas on your dime, or maybe somebody has secretly read your diary and knows your dirty little secrets. That's how I felt when I read this week's cover story of the New York Times magazine on Lauren Zalaznick, the Bravo TV producer whose brainchildren include Project Runway, Top Chef, The Real Housewives of various cities, Top Design, and the new and horrible (but still addicting) Rachel Zoe project. Zalaznick is credited for "boutique-izing" reality television--taking it from far away islands full of insects for contestants to eat, and bringing it to fashionable cities where the "reality" focuses on high style and good taste.

So how did she take advantage of me, you ask? By pigeon-holing me--a viewer of her programs--and doing it with frightening accuracy. Her target audience? "A P.T.A. trendsetter, the young mom who lives in a suburb like Winnetka, Ill., but who still wants to eat at the new hot restaurant in the city and shows up at preschool pickup with a Marc Jacobs bag." Even the description of why we "P.T.A trendsetters" watch Zalaznick's Bravo fare is spot-on: "To watch Bravo is to feel like an insider — to be taken inside a gated community or the back office of the exclusive gym...To watch Bravo is also to be let in on the joke...[Zalaznick] has really cultivated that special brand of reality television that is winking at you, that’s letting you feel good about watching a guilty pleasure.”

How did she read my mind??

She describes why her sister likes "The Real Housewives": It affords her the opportunity to think, at least once a week, "Ohmygod, I can't believe what a good mom I am."

Um, yes, I might have thought that at least eighteen times during a single episode of the show.

It gets better. Not only does Zalaznick have some sort of direct line to my inner-most thoughts--she is the kind of mom I want to be. Zalaznick, who is now in charge of integrating sales across all of Bravo's "women-oriented" properties (god, am I now one-step-away from the Lifetime "television for women" demographic??), is herself a mother of three. And the anecdotes in the Times article of the way she raises her kids had me laughing out loud. For instance, Zalaznick apparently "talks to her children the way she talks to everyone else, with great seriousness that's used for comic effect as often as it is used to convey genuine gravity." At one point during her interview for the article, she threatens her misbehaving child: "I will cause strawberries to be brought to you." Later it is revealed that, one time, Zalaznick made her family pose for a group photograph every day, for an entire year. It is not revealed why she did this. She is also self-deprecating (“Us boring people with our 6:30 dinner reservation — we know how unhip we are...We know we’ve gotta work extra hard.") and witty (she chuckles at the idea of fake Bravo commercials for Bravo during Bravo programming).

So, yes, I feel like I have been had. Zeleznick and her posse have me completely figured out. And I am not alone. Zalaznick herself explains that "Bravo is the most engaged network — the most people who see a commercial on Bravo, of any other network, remember that ad and think more highly of a product! Sixty-three percent of Bravo’s viewers recall the name of the brands they’ve seen advertised on Bravo, and 26 percent say that after seeing a product placement on Bravo, they have an improved opinion of the product."

To sum up: Zalaznick is reading my diary, making me buy Bluefly accessories and--quite honestly--if she created a "boutique" reality show about herself as a mom I would be watching that too. One thing though? That Marc Jacobs bag that I am supposedly toting to pick up my kids? Uh uh. So last year.

P.s. Speaking of Project Runway--did you Devis catch Heidi Klum as Kali for Halloween? My question: How did she manage not to terrify her children with that costume? My son was scared of my cowboy hat.