Yesterday my friend N. was talking to me about her husband. N has been married for almost a year now, and she was telling me little ways that she sees every day that she married the right person. When we were younger, our respective parents joked that we were both "equal opportunity daters" and often told us with mock-seriousness that we should give Indians some affirmative action. Fast forward: We both ended up marrying Indians. N. was in the middle of telling me that she doesn't really think of her husband as "Indian"--or at least that's not one of the first adjectives that come to her mind to describe him--but in terms of values and mores, the fact that he is Indian makes her life easier. Her punchline example: "I don't have to explain or apologize when I take a call from my parents, even if we are about to have sex."(N. knows I am writing this post by the way--don't you all go censoring yourselves around me because you are worried I might blog about you! I may--but I would ask first...!)
It cracked me up, just as many of the Indian-shorthand jokes I have learned in my 4 years of marriage do. So, without further ado:
You know you are a Devi When:
1. You take calls from your parents, even if you are about to have sex. (Thanks N!)
2. You have a stainless steel container of mysterious spices that you can't identify but that your mom "needs" every time she visits.
3. You have three advanced degrees but you feel like your parents are more impressed by "Rita Aunty's daughter" who calls home every day.
4. You are used to people "stopping by" to visit unannounced, and have "savory snacks" on hand for such occasions.
5. Your mom thinks you are on birth control for your acne. That you've never had.
You know you have a Baby When:
1. You know the words, by heart, of the "On Demand" song that comes on before Sprout cartoons ("On demand...or on tv...day or night, or online too, Sprout is always there for you...")
2. You have considered, more than once, whether Sippy Cups really could be used for chardonnay
3. You have categorized "ketchup" and "potato chips" as vegetables, and you have tasted one of the following things: Earth's Best peas/rice cereal/breast milk.
4. You can wax profound about great household cleaners (Oh "Folex," how I love you)
5. You are considering buying your clothes for the next year at Target so you can get your kid baby Uggs/babyPhat/RL.
You know you are a Devi with a Baby When:
1. You are deeply concerned about putting "another Indian momma's boy" out into the world.
2. The black eyeliner pencil in your purse is not for last-minute touch-ups but rather for putting the kala tikka on your kids, especially when the in laws demand it.
3. You are re-visiting your thoughts on bowlcuts. For either your son or your daughter. Or both.
4. You let your kids play dress-up with your "costume" jewelry, but not the real stuff.
5. You have used your baby as an excuse to get out of a garba/sangeet/wedding/reception/second reception/third reception/karva chauth (Howling at the moon through a strainer? For the long life of your husband? Really?).
Got any of your own to share?
Deepa is a wife, mother, writer and she sometimes masquerades as a lawyer as well. She revels in friendship, humor, champagne, and laughing at herself--often. She never ever reads US Magazine, thinks Rushdie is a genius, wishes she could write one sentence as funny as "Arrested Development," and lives in the Bay Area with her motley crew. She can be reached at deviswithbabies@gmail.com
This is hilarious! I have one. You know you are Indian when you make fun of your parents all the time for worrying about "what other people think". Then you worry about it too!
Someone told me this one: You know you are a mom when you count the number of sprinkles on the cupcakes to make sure they are all the same. I guess you know you are a Devi mom when you count the number of coils of a jalebi or something!
you know you are a devi when you have memories of your mom yelling at you for showing your belly in a tank top but she was and is fine with you showing your belly in a sari!
you know you are a devi when "hair removal" is an actual line item in your budget.
haha. you know you are a devi with a baby when you look back at photos of yourself in bad fitting indian clothes...and wish you still had them to put on your daughter!
you know you're a devi with baby when you argue against pregnancy being considered a disability while spending your claim check on a new pair of jeans!
you know you are a devi with baby when your kid wants mango achar on his peanut butter and jelly sandwich!
OMG i totally told my mom my bc pills were for my skin when she accidentally found them ! (before i was married!) you know you are a devi when you are lying to your mom in your THIRTIES!!!!!!!!!!!
you know you are a devi when your husband constantly smells like garlic...and you have started to like it...!
You know you are a Devi when although both sets of parents know you live together, everyone continually points out it is a "two-bedroom apartment."
you know you are a devi when you eat chicken behind your parents back. mind you, you are still a vegetarian...just one that eats chicken. you tell yourself that once you are married you will tell them the truth and feel liberated, but when the time comes, you still don't have the heart, and so the lies continue...
These are so funny you guys! Keep posting!
i think we need to write a book or something! "Stuff Indian Women Do."
Haha--love the "costume" jewelry bit. Do all of our mothers call regular, non-diamond jewelry "costume," as if it befits the outfits we buy for our kids to trick-or-treat with?? No wonder there are so many Desi Devis into STUFF!
Thanks for the Folex recommendation! I'm on the hunt for it tomorrow. Is there such a thing as a non-Indian DwB? I think I'm showing some signs!
Sad to say but the Black Shisedo Eye liner pencil has been relegated to my kids diaper bag:(
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