BFFs with Babies

Girl friendships often fall into different categories. There are those girls (okay, I should probably say women) with whom your children go to school, who are good for light banter such as the latest-chemical-toxin-in-kid-toys alert. You usually don’t know anything about the interior or personal lives of these women. There’s the one-step-up friend, who you’ve spent a decent amount of time with alone, and whose general life challenges and events you know about. She’s good for a once-in-awhile heart-to-heart, but for the most part the conversation stays at a certain level. Then, there’s the BFF who knows a lot about what you think, how you feel, what drives you. You may have had some knock-down, drag-out fights with her. You may be closer to her certain weeks, and farther away other weeks. But you’ve seen her without her hair done or make-up on, you’ve witnessed her tears, and maybe just luckily enough, you’ve been there for each other when life has sucked.

Pre-kid, these relationships often consume an amount of time and energy second to none – not even your boyfriend/husband relationship, because your best friends are usually around far longer than any significant other, and often privvy to information even your S.O. is not. Also, women can get intense!

Post-kid however, this particular relationship takes a beating. Now, your first priority is your kid – her naps, her tantrums, her school-pick up times and doctor’s appointments. I remember going on a girls’ day out during my daughter’s first year of school, and a family member telling me afterwards that “there is no time for that sort of thing anymore. Now your focus must be completely on your child.”

But I beg to really, really differ. My relationships with my girlfriends are often what keeps me afloat during the rough patches (and even in between), and I’ve heard them say the same. Your BFFs, especially the ones with children, will listen to you whine ad-nauseum about the sleepless night you had with your sick baby. They will notice your new hairstyle or shoes. They will wax poetic with you about the good ole days, pre-kid. They will give you marital advice, hug you when you’re sad, inspire you to channel your creative side, accompany you when you need new make-up (and tell you the truth about how it looks), make a special effort to see your family when they’re in town, and make you laugh until your sides hurt. They will also remind you that it’s not all about kids and responsibilities. Sometimes it can just be about some really juicy gossip, or a really good book or movie or trashy teen TV show.

So I will always make time for my women friends, no matter what category they fall into. They make me remember that sometimes, I can still be just a girl.